In the movie, You’ve Got Mail, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fall in love over the Internet and are destined to grow old together. In real life, thousands of on-line romances are taking place every day, but without such
glorious endings.   

Women have found a new way to connect with men, surfing the net, hoping to meet Mr. Right. While it’s true that some do, many women believe they are e-mailing Prince Charming, when they are unwittingly communicating with con artists, prison inmates, and even stalkers. The beauty of communicating on-line is the privacy it provides, but it can turn ugly.

Did you ever talk to someone on the phone and conjure up an image that proves to be completely false once you meet the person? E-mail is no different. In fact, it’s a step down since you can’t even hear the other
person’s voice. Based on one’s typed words, we believe what we read. Although I have found that most people are honest when communicating on the Internet, that’s not always the case. Especially, when it comes to romantic relationships.

Look, you can say anything you want about your appearance, your life, your history. We all want to put our best foot forward. What could be easier than doing this on-line in the anonymity of our own house? That
business executive you think you’ve been communicating with, could actually be an unemployed slob writing to you in his torn underwear, with a bottle of
beer in hand, belching along with each punctuation mark. How do you really know?

“If your Internet affair sounds to good to be true, it probably is”, according to California lawyer, Linda Alexander. Ms. Alexander has put her accessibility to legal records and her sleuthing prowess to good use by
starting a website WhoisHe.com/WhoIsShe.com. Her site specializes in doing background checks on virtual strangers, for a fee. She claims that about 60% of the people she’s been hired to check out are not who or what they claim to be. The same information is available to the public, if you have the know-how to find it.

Before you go out with someone you’ve never met before, here are some tips from her website:

Always ask for a full name, address and telephone number.
Never go out with someone who will only give you their pager or work number.
When someone gives you their phone number, find a reason to call unexpectedly to check it out and see if a spouse answers.    
Always tell someone where you are going with your date.
Always leave the full name and any telephone numbers of your date with someone.
Always meet in a public place that you are familiar with on your first date.
Always drive your own vehicle and do not invite them back to your house after the first date.

While nothing can insure complete safety, these sound like wise tips to follow.

This article was not written to terrify you; it is a reminder to exercise caution and use good judgment when romance blooms in cyberspace. We can all be blinded by love, but love with a complete stranger over the
Internet, has it’s own unique peril.

Who wouldn’t like to be Meg Ryan meeting Tom Hanks through e-mail? It looks great in the movies, but remember we are not actors on a set. For us, it’s real life -- which means real risk.

    copyright: Rhonda Pawlan - June, 1999