Online cads had better watch out, says Veronique Mistiaen

Thursday October 7, 1999
The Guardian

You are one smitten cybernaut. Your in-box is abuzz, full of sweet words. You can already see his blue eyes; her beautiful smile. Your internet flame is everything you ever wanted.

If you can't believe your luck, maybe you shouldn't, warns Linda Alexander, a California lawyer who specialises in background checks on virtual lovers.

Like so many internet users, Alexander struck up a relationship in an online chatroom. Her correspondent said he was a widowed doctor, and he seemed wonderful. So much so that, before long, Alexander wanted to meet him in person.

Before the meeting, however, she decided to take advantage of her legal training and do a little background checking. "He had told me a few things I was not able to piece together," she explains. To her dismay, she found that her online Romeo was still living with his very much alive wife, and was not a doctor but a nurse.

"I figured, if someone like me could be so easily fooled, this must be a major problem," she says.

As a result, Alexander launched WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com in November 1997, websites dedicated to investigating virtual pen pals, lovers or business partners. For $75 (£50), the California lawyer and her small team of cybersleuths will dig through public records and answer all those nagging questions you may have about your internet date: is she really 32 years old? Is he married? Is she really a banker or merely bankrupt? Has he ever been arrested? And why will he only give you his pager number?

All the information Alexander gathers is in the public domain, so anyone willing to dig could find it, But without her attorney's contacts, expertise and access to specialised databases, they'd have to work hard. "Whereas a regular person will take two to three weeks to do a background check, I usually can get the results within 24 hours to my customers via email or regular mail."

Her virtual private-eye service can investigate only people living in America, but it does check US internet dates for people all over the world, she points out.

Most people contact Alexander when they have met someone special online and are thinking about moving from a virtual romance to an in-person relationship. The most typical request is to check out whether a cyberdate is married and what they do for a living.

It might seem a bit unfair to spy on your sweet, loving, unsuspecting internet friend, but in Alexander's experience, people easily reinvent themselves on their computer screen.

"It's a strange thing with the internet. You may talk about things you don't talk with anyone else and you feel you really know each other. You never know how creative the person on the other side of the screen can be with his or her identity," she says. "When you find out, it's often too late."

And there are countless testimonies on her website from disappointed lovers and victims of con artists to prove her point. "You ought to know what you are getting in to before you invest your heart or money in someone."

About 60% of the people Alexander has investigated are not who or what they claim to be. "In general, men lie about their marital status and women about their age," she says. People also tend to inflate their professional status and assets. But she has also uncovered more sinister truths - con artists, stalkers and even criminals, who use the internet to find new victims to harass or sweet talk them out of money or into sex.

Contrary to her expectation, men and women use her service equally, and she stresses that women are as crafty as men when it comes to stretching the truth or leaving awkward details, such as husband and children, behind the computer screen.

Alexander also takes great pains to interview personally all her potential clients to ensure they don't have hidden motives. She has turned some requests down, fearing they were from stalkers or people who wanted information to get back at someone or other for the wrong reasons.

And while it might not be good for her business, her website offers a long list of guidelines on how to play it safe online.

Follow them all, and you may never need her. • For more information, contact Linda Alexander at 1-760-631-7740; email CheckHimOut@WhoisHe.Com or CheckHerOut@WhoisShe.Com ; website: www.WhoisHe.Com or www.WhoisShe.Com